Tag: Relationships

What My Best Friend Getting Married Taught Me About Love

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment
My beautiful best friend on her wedding day!

What my best friend getting married taught me about love:

Since the fifth grade, my best friend and I have been inseparable at the hip and that was now thirteen years ago. Meeting at a kid’s camp that our school made us attend, I wouldn’t call it a coincidence that out of a hundred kids, her and I were randomly chosen to stay in the private cabin with a few other girls because the main lodge didn’t have enough room to host all of us. Simply sleeping on the bunkbed above her, I didn’t know at that moment that two small girls, bright-eyed and bushy tailed in their excitement, would grow to become like sisters over the years, but God knew what we needed and blessed us with each other.
From that moment on, it is crazy for me to try and reflect on our most prized memories because so many exist. But of the most remarkable, I remember that our friendship was not always easy.

Though it started with Quiz Bowl matches, peewee basketball every Saturday morning, volunteering and serving together, dancing at a studio, going on crazy family vacations, and having sleepovers almost every other weekend, when we got to eighth grade things began to change. There was a period of time that I was really hurting, and we were growing apart. She was popular and played sports and I did not. She was the fun one everyone wanted to be friends with and I was just the left behind sidekick. But in that moment of pain, I went home and wrote a letter about how I was feeling. I needed my best friend and as my heart ached, I poured out a letter to her on pen and paper, prayed, and went to bed. The next morning, I left the letter on the table with tear stains in its margins like that of my eyes and went to school with a heavy heart thinking this would be the last day. The last day we’d speak, the last day we’d be friends, the last day I’d know what it felt like to be cared and loved for by a best friend I could call my own that wasn’t family, but to my surprise, none of that happened. Like a flip of the switch, it was as if something had happened within her and she knew I needed her. And at that exact moment our friendship was healed, stronger and better for the hardship we endured. Racing home from school that day to tell my parents the good news, I threw the letter in the trash and cried with tears of joy for God had answered my prayers.

As the years progressed into high school, our friendship would be strengthened through common interests, but also differences. We both took FFA, were FCA officers, loved the Lord deeply, and danced together, but the things we differed in soon became the activities that we would both grow to love the most together. Teaching me to fall in love with playing the piano (combined with my previous love for singing) as well as hiking, running, working out, cooking and living life on the edge I couldn’t be more thankful for the spontaneity of life she revealed to me. I went to her senior night soccer game and she supported me at every play, dance, and singing event I was ever in and that’s how our friendship stood strong because we both cared enough about each other to go the extra mile and that’s what the true love of God is all about.

Graduating high school in 2014 and hundreds of activities later, it wasn’t until that moment that I would tell my best friend of the period of time where our friendship struggled, for she never knew about the letter and for the first moment in my life I made her cry. And she told me she cried because she knew that moment very well, but never knew how much I was hurting and how thankful to God she was that He was looking over us. And honestly, I too was beyond words.

Going off to college in different directions, I cried at the thought that I wouldn’t get to see her every day at school but this is where she encouraged me to make new friends, live life freely, smile more, not be afraid, and grow abundantly in the freedom of Jesus Christ who would not only protect each of us but our friendship that He would eternally allow to grow forever.

Now four more years later, I can honestly say that we are two completely different people, both better and more mature in our individualized ways but we couldn’t be closer friends. Over this period of time, she taught me to let go of my OCD perfectionistic mentality and cling to the loving freedom of Jesus. To truly live each day as if it were my last and laugh a whole lot more. To never compromise my virtues for what I believe in. To stay steadfast and loyal, trusting all of God’s plans for me (even beyond my comfort zone). And above all, she taught me how to love and value my self-worth as Christ calls each of His sons and daughters to be.

Yesterday was her wedding day and of course, she’s still teaching me. As one of the bridesmaids, tears welled up in my eyes as we prayed for her and then witnessed the wedding. I didn’t think I would cry, and for the most part I held back, but after I sang an original song for her and looked at the man sitting next to her, now Mr. and Mrs., a new bride, I couldn’t help but smile at the way they were looking at each other. I thought about the way they would soon represent Christ to the world in this new covenant and how she waited for her now husband to pursue her. I thought about how she never questioned her worth, married or single and how she lived a fulfilled life every single day regardless of status or emotions. I thought about how her life spent so far was filled with so much laughter, joy, and adventure, and as a small tear began to roll down my face, I looked at the gaze in each of their eyes during the first dance and saw the true meaning of marriage that most of society exchanges for lust: a love of God so pure and so dedicated to His Kingdom, He knew that they would now be better together and I pray for that same love.

That in my moments of heartache and despair, I will learn to press into God and not my troubles. That in my longing to be in a relationship, I will not allow my desires and emotions to create an idol of love that only God can fully satisfy. That as I give my best friend away I will not see this as a friendship ending, but as a time for her to grow in different ways from me and that my time will come when He says it is time. And if I have learned anything from her at all, it is to trust in that timing, for He saved our friendship once and surely, He who teaches us to number our days is eternally faithful.

To my beautiful best friend the day after her wedding, I wish you the happiest life with your husband and thank you for all you’ve done for me. From letting me cry on your shoulder to blowing up your phone so much that we had to use Facebook messenger to communicate, biking 50 miles, going on road trips and crazy vacations and so much more, it is my prayer that in this new season of life may you never forget the love you have shown to me and now reflect in that of your own marriage. Thank you for teaching me what it really means to love and showing me that from the beginning even when I failed to recognize it. You’ve taught me a lot about love best friend and I know you’ll continue to do the same.

Vulnerability is scary, perhaps that’s what makes love so wretched, but in a sense, also what makes it so beautiful.

Agape,
Amber

#RelationshipGoals

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment
#RelationshipGoals

Why do I try to compare love to what I know is a fake imitation? Perhaps it’s because society has misconstrued love for infatuation. It has replaced what the Bible says about relationships with perceptions of Instagram filters, #relationshipgoals, and seemingly perfect dates. That if we don’t feel the butterflies, have the Hallmark version of our prince riding in on a white horse, or present a boyfriend/girlfriend mentality that could be found in the inner pages of Cosmo then we’ve done something wrong. That we begin to question why our love is different, why it hasn’t happened yet, why it doesn’t appear like everyone else’s, why it isn’t like the movies.
I remember when I used to dream what being in a relationship would be like. How doing the cute things everyone posts on social media would make me feel. What it would be like to finally change my status on Facebook from “single” to “in a relationship” and how everyone would react. The feelings I would get to finally have someone during Christmas when it seems that loneliness is at its finest. But then I began to realize that not only were these thoughts vain in who I was/am and what I eventually want to enter into with another person, but they also gave me a vain and distorted view of what I should accept/receive/allow from them.
And God began to speak to my heart that before I would ever enter a relationship or try to grow within one (friendships included here friends!!) I needed to understand what He and His Word said about them. To exchange my cloudy mirror of relationships and dating for show in for a brand-new transaction of what God says about this love.
Because although I’ve written a lot about love on this blog before, I don’t think I’ve even come near to fully understanding it.I have come to the conclusion that throughout my singleness, in praying for a future spouse, I may have had the idea of love all wrong. Sure, I wanted them to love Jesus more than me, be taller, attractive, love working out, serving others, etc., but what I should have understood before all of those things was the “why?”. Why should I be in a relationship? What does the Bible tell me about this kind of love (and not my friends comparative love life, social media’s presentation, or even my families expectations and feelings of remorse for my impatient but I stated patient waiting)? Why do I want to be in a relationship anyways and is this something I am really called to? And if I’m being honest, I’m still trying to figure all of these things out, but I’m also learning to do so in a more open, freeing, and Christ-like mentality.
Open, in the sense that when someone comes along and maybe they don’t check all the boxes, I will give them a chance. That just because they don’t meet the worldly standards of what everyone else says is right or fits their bill of love, perhaps I should analyze if they fit that of Christ’s, for isn’t He the one that matters after all?
Freeing, in that I now know I do not need a relationship to complete or define me. Before the relationship Adam had with Eve in the Bible, God had already given him a place, purpose, provision, identity, and parameters- all BEFORE it was “not good for man to be alone”.
Christ-like mentality in that I know no relationship I ever enter into will be perfect or like what the Disney movies tell me it will be like. That just as I have flaws, so too will they, but God never asked for perfect people. He asked us to love broken ones that together in a cord of three strands will not be easily broken. That as they struggle with their struggles, I will not judge them, for who am I to judge someone just because they sin differently than me? And as I share my vulnerabilities, I will trust him who God has entrusted me with.
Even on the hard and off days where the relationship doesn’t seem right I will fight against the world that tells me “maybe he isn’t the one” and listen to my Father above who can give me that command if that’s His will to do so.  That just because a small argument may come, I will not base the sum of its purpose in my life on a silly matter that weighs so much less than the total of all the good memories we have shared together. That just because every day isn’t sunshine, fun, and rainbows I will learn to realize even God too got frustrated with His people, but He loved them anyways.
So, to my relationships present, past, and future, know that I am still working on this, but that I firmly believe and owe you these things:
·      A love that sees the purpose of entering a romantic setting not for satisfying my own needs, but for being a helpmate to bring one another closer to each other and Christ.
·      A trust that takes the risk of love even if it isn’t foolproof to work out, because who knows if a man will succeed other than the one who created him?
·      A faith that places God above you (yes, even you) and helps you place God above me, yes even me.
·      A hope that knows even when the bad times come, you don’t give up. After all, just because something has a ding in it doesn’t mean you throw it away. We all have things we have to grow through together and that’s part of the loving process.
And how does God define these relationships? These friendships and pursuits of the ones we want to become the most intimate? The goals and statues we wish, ask, pray, might I even say beg to have? He reminds us that His love must be enough first and then all other things will fall into place. We were not created to be alone, in fact, we were created for community, but when it comes to relationships and what God thinks, I believe he tells us this:
ü  1)Only when Jesus is the first and most important relationship in our lives can we then be granted access to any type of relationship with others. And this is not to say that He withholds any good thing from us, because we know that He “withholds no good thing” (Psalm 84:11), but it is to reiterate the point that until we and our identity are found in Christ alone, we will be looking to mere men to fill a gap that only He can satisfy.
ü  2)Once we have this personal and intimate relationship with Him, we must never lose sight of it even when we do enter into relationships with others, regardless of if it is a friendship, romance, or business partner. Relationships are imperative to our growth as Christians, but they are a gift from God, therefore, we must honor Him first.
So, what does this look like as contrasted to the worldly definition of these status updates and Snapchat streaks of romance? This looks like putting God first even when it means disappointing or placing your significant other on hold to focus on God. It looks like not confusing worshiping God with worshiping your partner and instead, learning to worship God while you love your neighbor as yourself (and not the other way around). It looks like the Biblical definition of marriage where the two become one not because a husband is greater than the wife and the wife owes him that, but because they are mutually submitting to one another in order to each grow closer to God as they bring out their best interests. It is being willing to give everything for that person not because you feel the love of butterflies but because you feel the love and compassion that God gave for you on the cross now poured out for you to lay down for that other person.
Although I for one can say that the words “dating” and “romance” are not specifically found by that search in the Bible (trust me, I’ve tried), I can tell you that God does desire for you to enter into these things when it is the right time for you. Just because my best friend is getting married in three months, for instance, doesn’t mean that I need to freak out because I’m not (in fact, I freak out at just the idea of getting married right now (can you say hello I still need to adult enough 😅😂)). Just because you’re still single after 25 years and everyone in your family looks at you like you’re crazy doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be in a relationship. Just because you don’t know what you’re doing in your first relationship when it comes doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if it looks comparatively different to the outside world; in fact, that’s probably a good sign that it looks more like Christ and a lot less like the fake perceptions of the pleasures and lusts that Netflix and chill first dates tend to give off.
Real relationships are made up of learning to look past their sins and not seeing them as greater than your own(this is not a cop out to excuse inexcusable behavior or abuse though by any means). They look like sharing with your friend, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend when you are upset because you value authenticity and honesty over hurting someone’s feelings (I too need to take lessons here)! They reveal that at the center of any core relationship, Jesus must be found intimately and separately or that fire will be blown out faster than you can say whirlwind approaching. And at their completion, they involve the willfully giving away of oneself at the detriment, love and honor of another person. Just as Christ gave His body for us, that alone demonstrates how we should partake in relationships of any sort with others.
That’s true #relationshipgoals found within the heavenly realm of who God says they are with and what they consist of.

Agape, Amber

Guarded Heart

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment
Guarded Heart

I think for a long time, my conception of love has been skewed.  It has been distorted by the lack of “love” from those around me and twisted into what I thought it was supposed to be or feel like.  What started out as a wound, then lead me to create a vow that I promised I would never let happen again.  “I am not going to like anyone again until ___.” “I am going to guard my heart because I don’t want to get hurt.”  “They couldn’t possibly like me; therefore, I am not going to share my feelings.” And sadly, I started to not only protect myself from other people and their love but God and His.  I began to think, “Surely I can guard my heart that this won’t happen,” “Surely I will avoid love at all costs because the risk isn’t worth it even though they tell me it is,” but in reality, I was only guarding my heart against God, and didn’t He take the ultimate risk of love when He died on the cross for me?
Because you see, when you have a veil in your life like a wound, it easily creates a vow that then lacks trusting God because you are focused on trying to protect yourself.  Yet, instead of doing yourself any good, you end up creating a lot of harm in retaliation for the love that God has for you.  When I believe that “no one will ever like me,” for instance, this creates the lie in my mind that if no human could ever want me, then why would a perfect God?  The same goes for how we view ourselves, and the love that we think we deserve.  If I keep on praying that God will bring me the right person at the right time but never allow Him to break my guard down, I can’t expect ever to meet him.  How can I meet him, when I don’t allow Him who created my heart to see it with full-blown insecurities, and broken-down guards?  Exactly, I can’t.
Even though I don’t want to, I am choosing to love.  Even though it scares me head-over-heels to know that I could be hurt again, I realize that being guarded and closed-off to all possibilities of love is not healthy.  Will my heart be broken again?  Probably.  Will the first relationship I get into work out?  Possibly, but there is always a risk.  But you know what, it is a risk worth taking.  And why?  Because when Christ died on the cross for you and me, He did knowing that we might never love Him back, and to this day, some people still don’t.  He didn’t have a guarded heart or put up walls that blocked people from seeing His view.  No, instead he went to those who were the most unlovable and loved them anyway.  To the prostitute, tax collector’s, Pharisees, and even scoffers, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.” Hanging from a cross, He saw love not for what it felt like, looked like, or was even experienced, but what it should be.  A love that was not guarded, but one that was stripped down, broken, bloodied and disfigured.  It saw the best interest at heart, and never once thought, “What about me?” It was sacred, not scared, holy, not self-seeking, sacrificial, not conceited, forgiving, not condemning, open, not closed, vulnerable, not hidden, real, not a show, thoughtful, but not naïve.  
In Proverbs 4:23, we read, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23, ERV), but we do not read, “guard your heart against love and fail to trust God” in the process.  When the Scriptures tell us to “guard our hearts,” it merely means that we need to be careful about how we think, because what we think becomes what we do, and how we live.  If we are always thinking negatively about ourselves and the love we deserve, we are more subject to accept abuse (even from ourselves) because it is what we have trained ourselves to believe.  In fact, this even gives the Devil a foothold as we bash ourselves and don’t believe in the true love that Christ has already placed within us.  Thus, if we want to find love someday, and more importantly give it to others, we need first to recognize what true love is, and second, understand that we deserve it.
When we allow our hearts to be tainted by the love that we “think” we deserve as opposed to what it is, this creates a wonky picture of what we begin to believe about ourselves and accept from others.  Even today, I still have a difficult time with this concept, with believing that someone could want and choose to love me with all of my flaws, but I am learning to realize that the root of the problem is not finding “right love” but recognizing the fullness of His love that He has already given me.
1 John 4:18-19 states that we can only love, “because He first loved us” and that “perfect love casts out all fear.”  But if I am fearful of falling in love because of getting hurt, then that not only fails to trust God but refutes the truth that His perfect love is enough to cover all our human flaws.  Of course, human love is fallen and not perfect, but it rests on the solid foundation of Christ and His Agape love that we will never entirely be able to comprehend.
The true love of God is unlike anything we could ever imagine, but if we keep our heart’s guarded, He won’t intrude His access.  Yes, it is okay to “guard” your heart in a sense of what you believe about yourself and others regarding thoughts and deeds, but it is not okay to “guard” it so that the King of your heart can never gain entry because you are too terrified to let your hair down that will be used to reach you.  Yet, I promise you, once you do, once you let that hair down and allow Him entry, He will love your heart like it’s never been loved before.  Through prayer, intimate studies of Scripture, and growth in your personal relationship with Him, He will begin to show you how to lower your guard.  It may not be easy, in fact, it will probably scare you as much as going a week without granola scares me, but in the end, it will be worth it.
Only after you have accepted the truth of God’s love, can you then begin to understand what you deserve in any earthly relationship.  Rather it is friendship or romance, the love that we justify is the love that God desires for us to experience.  Believe it or not, God does not want you to go through heartbreak, even though you do.  He does not want you to feel what if felt like to die for people in love, only to have them hate you.  He does not want you to accept the love you think you deserve, He wants you to live like you’re already fully loved, treasured, and accepted because you are.
A beautiful quote I once read in The Perks of Being A Wallflower states, “You accept the love you think you deserve” and this couldn’t be truer, however, what is even more poignant is the fact that you are the love you think you deserve.  Love is not simply a feeling, though butterflies are nice every once and a while.  In fact, love isn’t even the emotions we spawn and create them to be like spiders crafting their intricate webs.  Pure and intimate Christian love of all kinds is a lifestyle that is selfless and giving.  It says, “even though I am single, I will love my friends who are in relationships” rather than sulk in my sadness.  It says, “rather I am empty or full, Christ and His love is enough” instead of focusing on our problems.  Love screams at the top of its lungs for us that, “you are worth it, even if it feels like you aren’t.”  For our relationship with Christ and the free love that He gives to us does not change with the shifting of our emotions, circumstances, and easily toyed with hearts, but remains constant, faithful, and passionate, always enduring the fire.  God’s love is unconditional and the furthest thing from guarded.  After all, do you really think a man hanging on a tree was one to possess a restrained heart?  Of course not, so why would I want to retain one?
Many in the past have treated being guarded as if it were a sin, and if I am being honest, I would say that it isn’t.  However, what proves to be the root of the problem here is taking this “guard of your heart” so far, that you stop seeking and trusting God in the process.  But you know what the truth is?  Love is for everyone, even those who have broken that heart.  Love is forgiving seven times seventy-seven times over and over again.  Love is reckless, pure, holy, God-honoring, and prosperous.  Love is created by God and is He Himself who never once chose to guard His heart so high that He couldn’t submit to the requests of the Father. 
No, the God I serve, and love is one who humbly lowered His guard so that I and all of my messy love could ruin the perfection of His.  So yes, I might be guarding my heart and protecting its purity, but I am no longer restraining it from what He is trying to teach me in these moments.  “Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.” 

Let your guard down and trust Him who formed your heart to take care of it.  Sometimes, the best lessons in life come from the broken walls and not the ones we as man build up to try and protect ourselves.

Trusting Love

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment

Trusting Love

Trust is like the lock of a cage around my heart.  You can rattle it and make it shake to the core.  Battering its fallen and fortified walls, the dark bars reflect its glistening light.  Knocking your knuckles against its sharp edges, the pierce of cold metal ripples through your skin- yet it doesn’t quite hit the nerve. But then, out of nowhere, like a sledgehammer to the ground, you crash into me going a million miles a minute.  I tremble in fear as the expulsion of myself begins to quiver. For now that the door has been ripped open, the lock can never be unseen for what it has become.  Dangling by the thread of a cord, its small frame slowly swings open.
Reaching into the cage that surrounds me, you eagerly search for my hand.  Kids playing hide and seek, yet not wanting to be found, I stumble back into the dark corners where no one can see me.  The real me.  I shrink myself into a shrink a dink size and place my hands over my eyes as if then they can’t see me.  But they come closer; their footprints begin to search the small space in anticipation of my beating heart.  And as my heart beats rapidly inside of my chest, I feel as if I will explode.  That they must hear the throbbing as vividly as it is in my head.
Grasping the edge of my frail and worn toes, they gently extend a hand.  A hand that tries to make me forget all of the shaking they have just done to the cages surrounding me.  A hand that is covered in scars- scars that look really similar to those engulfing my body.  So on a limb, I ever so carefully extend mine and they intertwine like keys in a lock, the lock that has now been broken off my cage completely as we begin to dance.  Clinging to their hands, I am timid at first.  I wonder if they can hear my heartbeat in their fingertips that gently caress my small frame.  Spinning me from one side of the dungeon to the other, I pause.
Ripping my hand from their embrace, I look out through the barriers of this battlefield.  I see into the chaos and the problems that will surely arise; the fear of the unknown and the mysteries that I simply can’t imagine in my mind.  But as my thoughts begin to spiral and I almost hit the floor, I am shocked to find them beside me, gently catching me in their arms.  Turning me to face them and readjusting my hands in theirs, I am pulled close to their heart that trusts me, and let go of everything holding me back from being vulnerable with theirs.
Facing the monstrous walls around us, we begin to make our way in strides.  Hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm, they whisk me away from side to side.  And before my mind begins to wander, before it starts to overthink if this is safe, if this is right, if I can predict the stability of this love, it is as if they hear my mind.  For in the sweetest sound I’ve ever found, I hear, “My darling I’m by your side.  I’ll never leave you, but I’ll always love you and that’s enough to break down all your walls inside.”
And like the flip of a switch, I see the lock fall and I begin to feel something inside, the freeing of a weary spirit letting go and finally choosing to come alive. 

Half Truth

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment


I told you I never lie, but what if I didn’t mean to?

What if I didn’t really intend for my feelings to change?
Then it is really a lie?
 
A piece of half my heart, or perhaps half the truth as wretched as a lie
Heartbeats sway back and forth like a dance in our minds
1,2,3, 1,2,3 our feet flail in anticipation of our anxious lives
 
As I rest my head upon his shoulder, he asks me where I learned to dance
And in reply I simply smile with my eyes to let him know that he’s the one who did.
 
Because for as long as I can remember, I’ve been dancing since I could walk, but no one’s ever danced with me quite like he did.
 
They ask me if I love him and shying off their question with a sincere avoidance of the eyes,
I realize I’d be telling half the truth if I said I didn’t love him, but the whole truth if I said I did.
 
But it’s too late. 
The ship sailed. 
The dancing of our hearts has been broken like two lovers who no longer know how to keep rhythm.
 
For that’s the pain of half truth’s, misfigured in their calculations
Too afraid to speak their minds, yet too afraid to live within them 

People-Not Things

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment
(Photo Credit to beautiful friend Rachel who captured this sight at the Zoo Lights). 
The older I get, the more I realize that in life, I want people and not things.
When I was younger, I would start crafting my delicately planned and detailed Christmas list as soon as October. Listing book after movie, followed by Wii games, the latest gadget, and clothes, you’d be surprised how in-depth one could be with there longed for items. Placing a delicate picture beside of each item as well as the price, store, website link, and where to find them, I recall lists way over 10 pages long and more than 100 items.
Now of course, I realized as a child that I would never receive all of these items that my heart so called “desired”, however, it was just really fun for me to make the list and then be completely surprised by what I would receive Christmas morning.
As I began to grow up though, the lists began to shorten, and the items changed. I outgrew the video games and latest technology facades. The desire for movies and books was replaced with the realization that I could simply rent or borrow them and save a whole lot of trees and money. And the list; well, it became smaller and almost nonexistent to the point that two weeks before Christmas, my parents had no idea what to get me because when they asked me what I wanted I would reply, “I don’t want anything for Christmas. I just want to help and serve other people”.
Now long story short, I did eventually squirm out a few things I wouldn’t mind receiving, and on Christmas morning, I was given way more than I ever deserved or asked for, but on the inside, my heart still remained the same: I longed to simply give to others and make them happy, rather than fulfill anything my own selfish desires would long for. And this brought back an old but favorite memory of mine.
From around the ages of 8-15, my Dad and I would go Black Friday shopping the day after Thanksgiving. We would scope out all the ads the night before, load up the truck with a list, snacks, and supplies and barely sleep a wink to get up at 4am and stand in line at Wal-Mart, Kohl’s, Menards (You fill in the blank) for these now newfangled and most desired items wanted by thousands of individuals. Racing through Wal-Mart with a dysfunctional cart, to searching for the last pair of fuzzy socks at Kohl’s, this was a tradition my Dad and I looked forward to every year. But then, he got placed on disability and became very sick so the trips stopped. The old memories resurfaced and the new ones became nothing more than yesterday’s past.
As the years between ages 15-21 began to creep by, year after year I missed this memory. I missed getting up at 3am and not sleeping the night before. I missedracing through the stores looking to find the biggest and best steals of deals that I could find. But in all actuality, it wasn’t those bargains that I missed the most, but the person I spent it with. The laughs we shared as my wide eyes and crazy hair reflected my 24-hour sleep deprivation the next day. The smiles of pictures we took in the miles of lines outside the store parking lots. Everything but the piles of bags in the backseat and all the money we probably blew on needless shenanigans of items and gifts.
Flashback to Thanksgiving 2017, God gave me this realization. That perhaps the older I get, the more I realize that I want peoplein my life and the memories shared with them over any amount of bargain deals, or presents under the tree. That if I could trade in 100 presents for 100 hours of added time to this life I would. And that if I could trade in anything monetary I would receive this year in exchange for relationships built with others I would great-fully do so in a heartbeat. That if I could make this world realize how worthless every temporary pleasure we desire really is and how worthy every person’s life we change/influence/impact/pray for is instead I would act like Santa Claus and grant the wishes that would make them realize this happiness.
Because this year, I’m learning to treat the holidays a lot more like memories to treasure rather than lists and number of items to receive: To focus on the most important person in my life (God), and how this holiday and all holidays are a true reflection of our thanksgiving/adoration/and relationship with Him. More than anything we could ever buy, obtain, or long for, He fulfills the epitome of what our true hearts desires really are.
This year, I’m asking for relationship with others. To build friendships and see people I care about saved.I’m asking for experiences, and memories. Pictures to treasure in my mind and foundations built upon. Peoples live that I can be the hands and feet of Jesus to, and likewise for those people to pour into my life as well. I’m realizing that I want people and not things, and that’s what I know my heart is truly searching for.
Agape,

Amber

What Picking Pumpkins From a Pumpkin Patch taught me About Love

On By Amber GinterLeave a comment
What Picking Pumpkins From a Pumpkin Patch taught me About Love
( I may or not be trying to consume the baby gourd that looks like a pumpkin)
Over the past few months, I’ve been struggling quite a bit with understanding myself and learning to value that I see myself as more than the girl I used to be.  That just because my old friends knew me as the OCD/Plannerized-insane being, that doesn’t mean that my new friends have to see me that way, nor do I have to choose to see myself in that old and stealthy dimmed light.
Transforming into the funny girl with lots of smiles and laughs though hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine.  And although yes, this is my authentic character that had gotten hidden underneath the layers of self-hate, comparison, stress, and a slew of negative experiences, that doesn’t mean that the process has been 100% easy to live with.  Loving myself, and learning how to love others correctly, for instance, is something I still struggle with on a daily basis.
Because as much as I would like to tell you that I wake up every morning and take the advice that I so lovingly give to others about their worth and self-esteem, I honestly don’t.  That as much as I write about Jesus, and how His love is so unlike anything we will ever experience in this temporary life, I still find myself longing to understand the magnitude of this conception.  And that although I profess to others that this life is beautiful, and love is not a feeling or emotion, but a state of living in God’s Will, I too still struggle to make it through periods of loneliness, drought, and feeling anything but loved.
However, while going to the Pumpkin Patch yesterday with my Mom, God began to reveal to me the aspects of this love in an entirely new light.  As I walked across the crisply fallen leaves of fall and weaved my way in and out of the vines that entangled my every step, the number of pumpkins that surrounded my feet surprised me.  Sure, there were probably 3,000 pumpkins in that field to be picked, but at least half of that number had already been selected and were sitting beside of the vine they once grew from.  Looking down at those pumpkins that had already been picked, I found myself resilient to pick any like that, and instead choose the ones that were still freshly attached to their source of life.  My Mother on the other hand, though looked at the pumpkins that were already picked, but still sitting on the ground and said, “Nothing is wrong with them, so why don’t we pick a few of those?”
Allowing her words to sink in, I was appalled at the voices in my head that said, “Why would I do that,” when I had no justification.  Other than not being as fun as searching for the “perfect” pumpkin, and getting to rip it off the vine itself, this got me thinking a whole lot about love, and a whole lot less about the pumpkins I was picking.
I think sometimes in life we approach love in the same way that we approach these pumpkins.  We search high and low for the “perfect”one and avoid all of those that have already been picked and placed over.  Though a few are unsalvageable due to rotting, many are perfectly great pumpkins, we just simply aren’t attracted to them, find them as our ideal “choice,”or want to have the fun in the chase and search of our own selection instead.  And don’t we tend to do the same thing with love?  We meet hundreds of people, probably even thousands every single year, but this one isn’t the right height, this one is too weird, this one isn’t “the one,”and so on and so forth.  But what if we stopped looking for what we thought we wanted, and just allowed God and His Will for love in our lives to rein instead?  What if we stopped comparing the “brand new” pumpkin, to the one that was already picked and neatly placed on the ground beside of us?
Perhaps Jesus is trying to teach me something about love, through something as strange as a girl aimlessly wandering through a pumpkin patch.  To reveal to me that in life, there may be three types of people and the love that they offer:
1)    The picked-over pumpkin– Though there is nothing inherently wrong with this pumpkin, you simply don’t want to pick it off the ground, take it home to your loving front porch, and show it off to your friends.  “Wow, I bet that was a big task to rip off the vine,” the voices would never ask.  You simply aren’t attracted to this pumpkin for a variety of reasons.  Maybe you want to get enthralled in the chase and search of your own, maybe you just don’t like its shape or height, or maybe, there is nothing wrong with it, but your heart just says “no.”
Some people that you meet in life will reflect this picked over pumpkin.  In fact, maybe you yourself are the picked-over the pumpkin.  You’ve fallen off of your vine, but no one ever seems to be interested.  Though there is nothing wrong with you (and most likely there isn’t), people just pass you by.  And if we’re being honest, being the “picked over pumpkin” doesn’t feel too good, or do much for your self-esteem/worth.  Too many times have I been the victim of this problem.  “Why do guys never like me?” I question, when my friends and family assure me that they do, I am just oblivious or unaware.  “Why do I always want to look taller, more athletic, more “perfect”?” my mind ponders when I already know that who I am, and who God created me to be should be enough.  “Why do I get picked over from the other girls whose lives are as real as the super star models we see in magazines?”my heart sinks.  “Why does it scare you so much to be the picked over pumpkin?”the Holy Spirit prompts me as I hear God finish with, “when that’s all that I’ve asked you to be?”
In all of their less than appealing initial encounter, these pumpkins offer the purest form of love.  They know what’s like to go without it; therefore, they strive all the more prominently to give it.  They realize that they are imperfect, yet they long to live, and love, and grow anyways.
2)    The rotting pumpkin– Unlike the picked-over pumpkin the rotting pumpkin can’t be salvaged or saved for anything.  You can’t take him home to cook with, it is too late to carve its disintegrating flesh, and the smell alone is enough to make you never want another pumpkin [milkshake, pie, cookie, roll, latte] ever again in your life.
In life, these pumpkins are the people you should stay away from, and the type of love that they try to entice you with.  These are the guys and girls that pursue without really caring about you as an individual.  They are the ones who believe that most slept with people, one-night stands, porn, and any other means of fake satisfaction are what fully define love.  The guys who act like they really like a girl just to get her to have sex with them, for instance, or the girls who dress like prostitutes to appear attractive because they love for this deceptive affection so badly are both examples.
Yet what the world doesn’t show you about these types of pumpkins, and the love that they embody is how evil, ugly, and decaying they are on the inside.  Like the picked over pumpkin, they might even try to trick you into choosing them.  Into lowering your standards, and giving them a chance, because “hey, if you can get over the smell, it isn’t that bad of a bargain.”  But is that really the type of love you want to engage in?  The kind that appears perfect on the outside, but when you get to know it deeper, the putrid flesh of its core is enough to make you get sick?
Sure this love might be satisfying for a temporary pleasure, but will it fulfill the need you feel in your heart?  Will it replace the void that exists? (And if you are wondering, the answer is no.  If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, then you will always be looking to mere men to fill this need, and sadly, with this type of pumpkin, you will never be satisfied.  If you do have a relationship with Jesus though, this type of pumpkin still won’t ever satisfy.  In fact, it will most likely leave you feeling less loved that you did, to begin with).
3)    The new and “perfect” pumpkin– If I’m completely vulnerable with you, I would love to say that the “perfect”pumpkin was achievable in all facets of life.  But if I were to tell you that, I would not only be lying to myself, but to all of you.  As much as we would like to think that there is the “perfect” pumpkin and “perfect”love existing somewhere in this world, it simply isn’t true.
For example, even in the brand new pumpkins that I freshly plucked from the vine, they still had strange shapes, random chunks out of the side, color discoloration, and so on and so forth.  But you know what?  They still work!  They are still cute.  They are still usable for me to paint, carve, decorate, and show off to my friends.  They have just transformed into the picked-over pumpkin that I once wouldn’t give a second glance to.
The same thing then goes for their love.  Because there is no “perfect” pumpkin, let alone “perfect”anything in this world that we live, there certainly isn’t “perfect” love that we, as humans are able to possess.  Yes, Jesus Christ is perfect, and the love He embodies is perfect, but the love that we experience from others, and long to crave after will never be perfect. 
We are messy and fallen beings in the result of a messy and fallen world.  But like the picked-over pumpkins, we still work.  We still shine.  We still love- it just looks different than what the world might expect it to.
In resolution, I like to think that Jesus, in all of His perfection, love, and glory often chose the picked-over pumpkin and even reflected that of one Himself.  Though he never fell off the path that God had set for Him, He did represent love in a way that would seem unrecognizable, strange, and uncalled for to that of the world.
Like my mom, I am learning to choose to pick the picked over pumpkin, because when the right person comes along, they will cherish and love me (and you!) with all they have.  Just like Jesus, they will know where you’ve been, and how you’ve fallen off along the way, but what matters most is the potential and life you bring to the future.  And they will want that.  Hewill want that.   Because even in your picked over patch, He will pick you up, take you home, wash you off, and make you more glorious than you ever thought you could be.
Love the picked-over pumpkins friends.  Be the picked-over pumpkin.  Give that type of love to yourself, but then also don’t forget to lavish that now adored love upon other people. 
Picking pumpkins from a pumpkin patch taught me about love: How to give it, how to receive it, how to know it, how to embody it, and how to pick it.

(Be the picked-over pumpkin 🙂 )