Since entering young adulthood, I have spent much of my life pondering how to live up to God’s expectations and callings for my life. I have dreaded searching for jobs, trying to figure out finances, and maintain a healthy lifestyle all while attempting to not “miss the mark” He has put me on this planet to fulfill.
But here’s the thing, God may call you to a specific job, location, or aspiration, yet more times than not, His primary concern is that you are living life in a way that brings glory to His name.
Matthew 28 coins The Great Commission of taking His Word to the ends of the Earth, no matter your occupation, status update, or salary. He asks us to trust Him amid the uncertainty of those difficult decisions, believing that as long as we love and serve Him with our whole heart, we will be satisfying that call.
In Psalm 138, a Psalm to Serve the Lord, I want to encourage you that in the heat of trial, swirl of indecision, or questions of existence, God will accomplish His purpose for you.
Even when earthly gods like people, places, or professions try to steal your clarity or fog up your intended design, God looks down and says “I love you, I know you, I see you, I have called you, and I will satisfy well-intended desires expected of you.”
God looks down on us in our lowly places, in those moments of pain, confusion, uncertainty, doubt, and failure, and He sees us. It isn’t that 20/20 vision that comforts us though, but knowing that when we look Him in the eyes, He rescues us like a hero, loves us like a Father, and comforts us as a friend.
“The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands” (Psalm 138, ESV).
If it’s His will, everything, and I mean everything, will be just fine. Job, dreams, relationships, money, He’s got this. He wouldn’t call you to such heights if He didn’t intend to keep His promises.
If you were to ask any person in my immediate family to make a decision, you would quickly regret the question. Resounding in a loud wave of “I don’t know,” “You pick,” and “I don’t care,” it is no wonder that I am a master of indecisiveness.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend is the same way, and so our conversations follow suit until two hours later and still no plan, we end with, “Wow, we’re the most indecisive people in the world!”
Though that statement may be a bit of an exaggeration, it got me thinking about Josiah in 2 Chronicles chapter 34 and how Scripture tells us, “He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, and walked in the ways of David his father; and he did not turn aside to the right hand or to the left” (2 Chronicles 34:2, ESV). At just eight years old, Josiah knew the importance of keeping his mind and decisions set on the Lord, and perhaps, we, too, should glean from his lesson.
Even at the beginning of his reign, Josiah was steadfast, focused, and intent on living a straight path that led directly to the Lord. He did not sway to the right or left, nor were his decisions a wayward mess of indecisiveness and ambiguity. But, he 100% knew what he wanted and was after in life (God), and shouldn’t we want the same?
Despite my inability to make decisions daily, my commitment to serve and follow the Lord, are not. Of course, there will be days where I read my Bible more than others, or weeks and months that I pray, feel close to God, and the next day feels so far away. But, those things are normal. Those things are moments that define life.
Because at the end of all my days, I will know that I was never indefinite about the one who won and called my heart, for He held it first. Even when I’m old and gray and my days numbered on this Earth, let it be known that I was never double-edged about Him (No One’s Ever Cared For Me Like Jesus).
The older I get, the more it appears to me that “normal” is not a place we should wish to reside, but a place with which we’ve grown accustomed. Yet, just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s worthy of our returning.
From career choices and relational bond, to deciding insurance plans, how to live on your own, or pay bills, adulting is a challenging time. And with the number of unknown answers to questions piling in my mind, the intrusive thoughts begin to run rampantly wild. Leaving me in a state of confusion, I assume that this is how Jehoshaphat, one of the many Kings of Judah, must have felt in 2 Chronicles chapter 20.
Approaching a large battle of Ammonites, Jehoshaphat also had fears like we do. But his maturation of concerns had less to do with, “How do I become an adult well?” and more with, “How do I survive this battle?”.
Yet instead of running away, complaining, freaking out, stressing, or worrying like we’re all guilty of, Jehoshaphat chose to inquire of the Lord even amid his present state of confusion. He decided to seek the sovereignty of holiness rather than entertain his mind with the Russian roulette of hysteria.
In 2 Chronicles 20: 3-4, “Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. And Judah assembled to seek help from the Lord; from all the cities of Judah they came to seek the Lord” (2 Chronicles 20:3-4, ESV).
Maybe you’re facing a fear that tells you confusion is your new normal. But Christ tells us He is a God of peace even in these uncomfortable states of mind (1 Corinthians 14:33). If we choose to “fast” from our confusion and focus on His clarity, perhaps we will be given the tranquility He’s placed within us all along. What or how are you “fasting” from that will enable you to focus on the Lord?
Worry less and worship more?
Barely complaining yet always calling on His Name?
Trade in your confusion and replace it with His counsel.
Spontaneity. A word the dictionary defines as “the condition of being spontaneous; spontaneous behavior or action.”
Unknown. A word the dictionary defines as “not known or familiar.”
Two different words, one of which I love and the other I abhor. At their root origin, however, are they unrelated?
It’s a paradox of sorts when a twenty-four-year-old woman enjoys the art and craft of mystery (spontaneity), but fears unfamiliar circumstances (unknown). One would think that the two go hand-in-hand, and maybe they do, yet how can one cause joy and the other havoc?
After I went to Canada in 2018, God freed my OCD heart and replaced it with this love for all things spontaneous. I fought Him tooth and nail, but at the end of the day, the unknown, which I cannot control, still scares me. Spontaneity excites me, while the unknown strikes impeccable fear. How can two synonymous words cause such strife and conflict? Perhaps because I haven’t learned to live with what makes me uncomfortable.
Let me explain.
A random road trip my best friend asks me to go on at the last minute? All game.
A date my boyfriend planned and didn’t tell me the details excites me like nothing else.
When my mom asks what I want for dinner, I tell her to surprise me and anticipate the results.
In searching for jobs and my next steps, I gleam at the endless opportunities that I am made for more than my degree enables me or my imagination dreams.
However, my enthusiasm is less than appealing or whetting to the tongue when it comes to more serious decisions.
Learning how to find a job during the COVID-19 pandemic with benefits, insurance, and something that fulfills my passions is stressful. The spontaneity is not enjoyed but wondered when in the world it will be over.
Analyzing if my relationship will someday equal marriage or a breakup leaves me realizing how little I have control.
Swimming in a pool of anxious thoughts, depressing waves of fatigue, and crippling pain doesn’t anticipate healing but mocks the unknown of being healthy, normal, or pain-free again.
As I get older, the more I long to live for Heaven rather than Earth. I look forward to the day when my mind works how it should, and I don’t have to overthink every minuscule detail that passes by my brain. I am eager for the time when sorrow, pain, anguish, heartbreak, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, suicide, you name the struggle, has to bow at the name of Jesus, and ceases to exist. I anticipate the longing in my soul to feel joy, freedom, passion, and certainty again. My heart hurts for me, and my heart aches for you who struggle.
But until that day comes, I am told to rest in the uncertainty and find a place of certainty in He who is sure. To wait in the area of waiting and rid the waiting room fears. I am told to embrace the unknown with open arms like the biggest hug I get from my boyfriend but embrace it with the confidence of Christ’s arms holding me together. I am encouraged to run recklessly with a life lived for others, for in that, I too will be satisfied.
Matthew 6:33-34 tells us to seek His kingdom and His righteousness first, and then all things will be added to us as well. In doing these things, we should not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worry of its own. Each day has enough sorrow for that day, and we don’t need to add to it!
Even amid the unknown, I’m running to my greatest love, and no, I don’t mean my boyfriend. I mean Jesus Christ, the author, and perfector of life who not only embraces all of my uncertainties but is the greatest mystery Himself to ever live on the face of this earth.
1 Timothy 3:16 quotes this well in Paul’s advice to Timothy during an unprecedented time of ambiguities. “Beyond all question, the mystery from which true godliness springs is great: He appeared in the flesh, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory” (1 Timothy 3:16, NIV).
I may not have mastered the art of loving spontaneity and the unknown at the same time, but I am learning to leave my fears in the hands of the best mystery of all time. Jesus’ story of suspense, mystery, and spontaneity is one thing I am not fearful of, and His story is the best mystery of godliness that encourages us to become like Him.
I’m learning to be more in love with the unknowns of my story, knowing that He (Jesus Christ), who is known by me, will inevitably lead me in the greatest mystery of His story.
If I could write a letter to my younger self, there are words I would’ve said before the damage was done.
“Your life is worth so much more than your search for perfection.”
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
Oh, how I long to etch into my bones that a health obsession isn’t healthy at all. That though growing up is scary, it isn’t worth the cost of thinking you’re nothing but a hollow shell. I wish I could tell my younger self, “Stop these habits before it is too late, and you’ve caused permanent damage.”
Because if I could speak truth into that little girl’s life, I would in a heartbeat. But since that little girl is now grown, I do equally believe that it is my responsibility to write “Dear Younger You,” with the hopes of encouragement.
To shout to your mountaintops that with Jesus, you will make it through this. To not grow up so quickly, for when you reach young adulthood, you realize it isn’t all it was built up to be. That your face in the mirror is worth a far greater value than the acne, imperfections, and flaws, you strip it down to.
I would remind you that your value as a daughter or son of the King is not measured by the mistakes you’ve made, sins you possess, or qualities you wish you could change, but immeasurably the creation He sees you as and has crafted you to be. God sees us for who He says we are, and not what the world tells us we should be.
Romans 8:1 speaks that Life in the Spirit is a new type of living. And when you have Jesus, there is little room for anything else. No doubt, excuse, or fear of the past, present, or future weighing you down. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” and that remains true yesterday, today, and tomorrow (Romans 8:1, ESV).
Dear Younger Me, you may be but a memory, but Dear Future Me, don’t forget the girl you’ve fought to become. Forgive, Embrace, Love, and Live. There is no need to dwell backward when He’s calling us forward to colossal and bigger things.
I remember the day like yesterday. Heart pounding, ears ringing, and the world at my fingertips, I walked across the stage of my high school graduation. Yet, instead of being excited, I hid fear behind my smiling face. Gripping the fastened cap around my head and jamming the hundredth bobby pin into my hair, my mind began to pace with anxiety. Concern, specifically, about what God’s Will was for my life.
Over the next few months, I knew I would be starting college, but I was terrified. I thought that God’s Will was a dot, and if I didn’t major in X, become Y, and do so by Z, I would be beyond His loving arms of protection. What I didn’t realize is that our entirelives are a pursuit of the calling that He has placed within us. I failed to understand that God doesn’t give us free will to box us in, but to provide us with the parameters of choice within His protective boundaries.
At the end of college, I am still trying to discern God’s direction for my life. Though I majored in English for AYA Instruction and Biblical Studies, I have felt a firm calling to write full-time since I was 18. And at times, I often feel like a failure that I have not found a way to pursue this, regardless of the effort I express. I feel that I was made for so much more and long with a deep aching in my bones to write, serve, and love others.
Maybe like me, you’re frustrated with God’s plan for your life, and your inability to be there right here, right now. But God’s desire for even the greatest of aspirations He places on your life are not to be accomplished the second we snap our fingers, but the second we realize that they will be fulfilled in His due time of fruition.
Matthew 6:9 reminds us that even in our longings to figure life out, what we should want most is “His kingdom come, and His will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven” (Matthew 6:9, ESV). When we pursue that desire with our whole heart, He will provide the right path, in His time that aligns with that call.
As a teen, I loved cooking with my grandma and found passion in crafting with my hands. When I was told not to touch the stove or delicacies that just came out of the oven, however, my tempted mind didn’t like to listen. Many “ouch, that hurts” later, I have learned that when we’re near the fire of a flame, it’s our faith that stands the true test of time.
“If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up” (Daniel 3:17-18, ESV).
In the book of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are accused of not bowing down to King Nebuchadnezzar. In an era of brazen calves and idolatry, these actions are countercultural and directly disobey Nebuchadnezzar’s command “that when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, you are to fall down and worship the golden image that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up. And whoever does not…shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace” (Daniel 3:5-6, ESV).
At this moment, I smell fire. I feel the profuse overture of warmth too close for comfort. The heat boils as flicks of light eat up the flames. My faith quivers for these men to follow Jesus.
For us, we know the end of the story. Jesus walked into the fire, and when they walked out, not a smell, or ounce of ashes reflected their luminous skin, yet the heart of God who was with them did.
Perhaps today you’re facing a fire of your own, but be encouraged. Jesus will ask you to walk through difficulties of suffering. Yet, He will never ask you to do so alone. He not only goes into the inferno with us, but He lives within us when we make it out stronger than when we first entered.
Let faith inspire us to walk through our fires with confidence. Even if He doesn’t deliver us, we will stay dedicated to Him.
You, as an individual, are unlike any other human on this planet. From your quirks and physical makeup to what you like to do, God has intricately designed every fabric. The mistakes you would make, the future He has planned, and the sins you will struggle, are also included, for they are not a surprise to Him.
Many details in our testimony are thus easy to share. I will gladly disclose that I struggled with OCD, perfection, and jealousy. And though I was raised in a Christian home, I watched my half-brothers shoot up heroin, and be brought back to life, only to return to the same plague of death still knocking at their door.
When it comes to the nitty-gritty details that affect my integrity, however, I struggle to share those facts, for fear that someone will see me as I once was and not as I am now. Rarely do I talk about the battlefields of my mind. Sparse, are the number of posts I’ve written about a distorted view of health.
But there is power in every aspect of your testimony, especially those secret attributes you’d rather leave out. And I truly believe that God has a purpose for sharing the struggles you went through because something about sharing our brokenness with others makes us radically whole.
James 5:16 reminds us that healing comes when we confess our sins and “pray for one another, that you may be healed. [For] the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16, ESV). Though we’re not called to blab our darkest secrets to the world, we are called to share with the broken so that they too may be made like new.
Jesus, after His death and Resurrection, approached the Disciples and invited them to touch the holes in His hands. He showed them His scars and invited them to press on His wounds. I can faintly hear Him say, “This is my body broken for you and my blood shed for you,” because He knew the power of His testimony.
For the power of one, Jesus shared His story, and He encourages you to share yours today.
At one time or another, I think we’ve all longed to love and be loved. We have desired to have someone choose us first or make the effort of investment in a relationship. Friendships, family, or romance alike require a push and pull of attempt, or the result can be fatal. Too much draw on one side could equivalate crossing a line in a tug-of-war. Not enough will result in virtually nothing.
Now I’m not a math or science wizard, in fact, I despise those subjects, but something stands out. Imagine the tug-of-war scene painted above. If you have two equal forces acting in opposite directions, these are called balancedforces. And balancedforces, no matter how hard they both pull on an object, will not change the object’s motion because they are equally invested.
Sometimes, I think as much as we put into our one-sided relationships, friendships, and families, craving for them to give us the ounce of passion we offer, we forget that Jesus desires energy with Him. Because as much as I long for my boyfriend to tell me he loves me, or my friends to make time to hang out, or my family to listen to my heart, Jesus desires our relationship with Him to be first, steadfast, and true.
A few weeks ago, I saw the movie I Still Believe, and what touched me most was the love Jeremy Camp had for Melissa, even though he knew the hardships they would soon face. Reminiscing that love, I thought, “___ will never know how much I love them,” and God shot back, “You will never know how much I love you.”
Unlike human love, God’s love for us is unconditional and unfathomable. It surpasses the waves and depths of our understanding. But to partake, we must value His love with us, above all this world has to offer. 1 John 4:19 remarks, “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19, ESV), and we’re all longing for love. Yet, Jesus, in all of His power, never asked for actions, investments, or financing in return, He wanted our heart, and He still does.
If you’re anything like me and read through the Bible a few times, the book of 1 Chronicles probably isn’t high on your list of favorites. Nine chapters deep into genealogical records, I found myself asking, “Why is this so important?”
So many books in Scripture have life-lessons leaping off the pages. They are easy to digest and convenient to apply; stories like David and Goliath that teach us bravery, or the faithfulness of Noah, for example. Narratives of birthrights and nametags, however, are a bit more difficult to comprehend. But instead of dozing off or gazing out the window the twelfth time you’ve attempted to make it through these chapters, I want to encourage you. As monotone as they may seem, these chronologies have a story to tell, and we all have one.
In 1 Chronicles 5:18-22, the Reubenites, Gadites, and half-tribe of Manasseh begin to face a difficult battle against the Hagrites, Jetur, Naphish, and Nodab. And though their names are listed, verse 20 remarks, “And when they prevailed over them, the Hagrites and all who were with them were given into their hands, for they cried out to God in the battle, and he granted their urgent plea because they trusted in him” (1 Chronicles 5:18-22, ESV).
Did you catch that? Even in the list of records, these people were known for their trust in the Lord. And why? Because the “war was of God” (vs. 22).
Today, maybe you have your own raging war, even if it never leaves your mind. Perhaps you’re battling an addiction, family circumstance, or emotionally crippling disease and have no idea how to fight.
The good news is that if you surrender your battle to the Lord, He will fight it for you (Exodus 14:14, ESV). The bad news is if you try to succeed alone, you will quickly fall. I’d rather be David slaying the Giant than the other way around.
Even amid battle, the Lord rescues those who trust in Him and faithfully denote that the battle is already won because it is His to fight. And it always will be.
Words Can Shatter Silence 