Catch my newest Blog featured on “No Small Life” at the link below. So blessed and honored to be given the opportunity to write for this wonderful couple. I hope you enjoy “What I Learned Playing Hide and Seek”.
Good Friday: A Story of Hope
Good Friday: A Story of Hope
Dear God,
I sit here on Good Friday thinking about how your people must have felt watching you get crucified. Did they care? Did they cry? Were they part of the crowd mocking and beating you? Throwing slander like their last name and screaming the bloody murder of yours. Yet, instead of betrayal, shame or anger, you simply looked down from the cross and said, “Father forgive them, for they know now what they are doing,” and my heart is compelled to thank you for this gift. That instead of giving us the punishment we deserved, you gave us the love you so righteously lived, and we so undeservingly and selfishly took.
Ironically, Father, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. this morning from a bad dream that my Dad tried to stab me with a kitchen knife, and now that I think about it, that would’ve been the time you were praying to your Father, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” and in a sense, a knife was driven into you as you asked God three times to take it away, but He didn’t, and you began to sweat tears of blood as you graciously accepted the Father’s will. And as morbidly comparable as this seems, I think of my bad dream. Though I know it was just a nightmare, and my Father would never actually stab me, I reflect how in a sense Jesus, how you must’ve felt when your own Father chose to sacrifice you. I cannot even fathom.
I then think to the people of this age and their faith. After reading James 1-5, I reflect on how people like Mary must’ve felt seeing Jesus die in agony on the cross. That though He said He was coming back again and had prophesied that, just imagine the faith of actually believing and living that out right after you watched the Savior of the world be crucified.
Then, you get to the tomb and realize someone has taken that bloody body you saw hanging on the cross, and you question the only man in sight (whom you assume is the Gardner) where in the world the body has gone, only to finally realize that He, The Resurrected body, is standing well, alive, and transfigured in front of you. Goodness, it just gives me such hope, joy, and comfort of your mystery to know that you not only keep your promises but are coming soon again. That because you walked out of the grave, I’m walking too, and as Jesus Christ, you alone are my living hope.
But I also, you see, think about the people who didn’t have this faith like Mary. Didn’t live it out, believe in you, betrayed you, or worse yet, didn’t even know you existed. On the day of your betrayal and murder, they feared the future as the veil was torn in the temple and the sky went black. And why? Because they didn’t see the hope coming. They didn’t recognize, know, or believe the riding on the clouds of sunshine on the other side. And as Christian’s, I think that’s the whole point of Easter. Not that we may celebrate a time of eggs, candy, or even services, but that we tell and evangelize to others this great and glorious news.
Sure, many know and choose not to believe, but it is time that we take a stand and represent Christ well. That we as His children, sons, and daughters, heirs of Christ, be living representations of The Resurrection with the faith that they too will come to see the completion of His story.
The people thousands of years ago may not have known that Jesus was coming back, and can you just imagine the sorrow they felt? But we know the bigger picture, the full story, the revelation of our future hope and restoration, and it is our job to share, preach, love, live, and express that Good-God-filled news. Easter was never about the Easter Bunny, eggs, or candy, but it was always about an Everlasting Awe-filled Savior that Took Every sin from us and Resurrected it in the end.
Agape,
Amber
You Can’t Wish Away A Season
You Can’t Wish Away A Season
A few weeks ago, I was at worship practice when one of my co-leaders emptied her heart in caring-sharing time, and I felt compelled to do the same. Through authentic tears and a heartfelt, heavy spirit, she wept into the comfort of her boyfriend’s arms, sobbing, “You Can’t Wish Away A Season.” And ever since she stated that simple remark, I haven’t been able to shake the goosebumps I feel inside when I think about that phrase.
As a Christian, I have been taught to live and breathe the motto of Philippians 4:12-13. “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13, NIV)”. That rather my life is all sunshine and rainbows or rainclouds before the storm, Christ has to be enough for me, and through Him alone, I need to rest in that contentment. But the life we live you see doesn’t always work out the way we planned or anticipated, and as a result, we add a lot of unnecessary stress to our daily living.
Over the past few months, for instance, I have been the type of stressed out person that I never thought I’d become. Especially after traveling to Canada this summer and learning to roll with the punches, I was dismayed to find that living that type of lifestyle full time, however, would be much more difficult than what I had in mind.
Finishing up my last fall semester in December, followed by an OAE licensure test, and Student Teaching in January, it is no surprise that now in March, I am feeling the repercussions of a burnt out, exhausted, overwhelmed, and anxious season that has lasted much too long. From teaching and full working time to family issues, health problems, acne, stress, depression, and extra-curricular activities, it is evident that my soul longed for a break. And if I’m being real with you, my thoughts often spiraled so much so that I began to be desperate in my prayers.
“God, please just let me get through Student Teaching. God, let me endure all of this stress without dying. God, please help me to get to a new season.” Yet, without even thinking, I didn’t realize how faulty these prayers had become. Instead of wanting to rush the season, perhaps I needed to realize that God might be trying to teach me something in it that I have so desperately been trying to make it out of.
In the Scriptures, David, Paul, Jeremiah, Elijah, Moses, Job, and many others often faced this epidemic of longevity. Of wanting to fast forward their lives like the commercials of television shows to get to the main event. But what if these seasons, these times of hardship, turmoil, and stress weren’t just the mundane details, but the highlights, the focal point, the heart of it all.
In Philippians chapter 4 mentioned above, Paul tells us precisely this in that of his own turmoil, suffering, and pain of a jail cell. That rather we realize it or not, sometimes the seasons in our life that are the most miserable not only bring about the most growth but are preparing us for the future journey.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content (with or without clear skin, with or without stress, in a new season, or this old one) whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need (to want clear skin, no stress, a better season), and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation (with or without clear skin, with or without stress, with or without a difficult season), whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles” (Philippians 4:12-16, NIV) (Props to my boyfriend for having me read the passage this way).
Perhaps Paul, (who was formerly Saul) amongst many others, is just one of many encouraging us to press into our season wherever we are, just knowing that Christ will use it for our good. That no matter the circumstance, or trial, we will bunker down, whether the storms, and fight the fight, trusting in Him alone to provide the strength, love, peace, and victory we are most profoundly longing.
You can’t wish away a season, but you can press into Christ to live for more than, “God, just get me out of this.” Like Paul, we must learn to be content no matter the circumstance. To rest assured that having plenty, or scarce, God will provide for any and every challenge that comes our way. He will be our strength. He will be more than enough for our suffering, no matter the season we are presently living in.
Agape,
Amber
Busy Never Stops
Busy Never Stops
Since the beginning of November, I have been extremely overwhelmed, overbooked, oversensitive, overworked, and overstressed, to say the least. Following up my Fall 2018 semester with four months of Student Teaching (starting in January) that would lead to graduation, it was clear that my mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual life was (is) crumbling. From a serious acne breakout to stomach issues, depression, anxiety, and burnout, it was becoming clear to me that despite my wonderful boyfriend, dance team, supportive friends, and powerful God, that without taking time to rest, I would only further continue to widen and deepen my hole of despair.
Reading a Devotional one cool winter evening, as I snuggled deep into the comfort of my heated blanket, the warmth of more than just the sheet itself began to press itself upon my soul. Hearing the words come to life like narrators reading their smoked and softly primed movie scripts, I realized how long it had been since I’d taken a Sabbath, let alone one day without work, college, teaching, dancing, working out, or tending to my friends/families/pets/boyfriends needs. And to be honest, that scared me a whole lot more than the newest façade of a rollercoaster at Kings Island. It scared me because I started to realize how fast time was passing, and how easily I had bought into the lies of “busy” without adequately taking the time to nurture and care for myself. From working every summer straight through to college full-time, two to three jobs, leading a dance team, small group, two praise teams, and more, I was utterly spent, and it killed me to admit that.
As a twenty-three-year-old Christian, I would be dishonest to say that I never get tired of helping people. However, I would also be the first to tell you that serving, volunteering, and leading others are the three core vitamins of my life that I’ve adopted and lived out since I was just eight years old. Facing the conditions listed above with this passion has been quite a challenge. You just honestly don’t know what it is like to crave wanting to help others until you are sobbing on the bathroom floor because you are so tired, you don’t even have the energy to help yourself. And in that moment, that’s when I heard God say, “Busy Never Stops” and I realized that in order to gain that passion and strength back from years upon years of burnout, it would take more than continually surrendering it all to Him as I had been doing, but truly taking a day of rest to enjoy and care for myself the way that He intended for me to.
I started realizing that to give my all to these people, organizations, and things I care so deeply about, I needed to take at least one day off for me, and that that in and of itself was not a selfish thing. I’d heard for years that self-care was selfish, and placing others above yourself was the way to go, but even Jesus needed time alone with his Father and often turned down crowds because the demand He was given, couldn’t amount to the human energy He was spending, without taking the time to refill and recharge in the one who held His nourishment (Luke 5:16; Luke 6:12, ERV).
Currently, it’s a Monday morning, and I should be at school student teaching. Caught by a small snowstorm instead, however, I am left alone with my thoughts and the company of my humming laptop, barking dogs, and loving parents’ laughter in the kitchen. Minus the stomachache currently cramping my sides, I am trying my best to rest and will soon spend time with the Father in our daily Scripture reading time of the day. I am still uneasy with the silence, with the lack of busyness for this singular day. But in the back and carved out corners of my heart, I know that Christ calls me to take care of myself just as much as I long to again take care of everyone else, and someday, my burnout will cease so much so, that I’ll be full and overflowing with energy, compassion, love, and fervor again.
Busy Never Stops, in fact, like time, it is something that keeps on going. However, unlike time, it does allow you to have a say in its condition: In the hours you serve, in the events you plan, in the schedules you overbook, and in the limits to which you choose to over exceed yourself. And to the contrary of all the little voices whispering in your head, it is not weak, prideful, or foolish to take one day, one hour, one minute for you. In fact, it is holy; it is precious; it is longed for by the soul (Exodus 20:8-11, ERV). Perhaps that is why life is eventful, demanding, tiring, hard, hectic, and dare I say busy, because if it wasn’t, would we ever recognize our need and dependence for time spent in solitude and restoration with Him? Busy says “no,” and I’d have to agree.
Rest easy my friend, I know you need to.
Agape,
Amber
The Scavenger Hunt
The Scavenger Hunt
Every year at Christmas since I can remember, my Dad has made me a witty scavenger hunt leading up to my biggest present hidden somewhere in the house. As I grew older, I began to realize that I didn’t want presents so much as people and experiences rather than things, yet, never the less, year after year, I would beg my Dad to make me one of these hunts regardless of the present at the end of the puzzling codes and clues. Accordingly, year after year, he would make me one, and to this day, it is still my favorite Christmas present that I physically receive because of the mystery, solving, and hide and seek that takes place.
Over 2000 year ago, some people I’ve heard much about also fell in love with this expectation of mystery and solving the latest collection of scavenger hunt clues that they held at their fingertips- they just didn’t know it yet. In the Old Testament, it is cited various times by numerous Prophets and words of Scripture that someday, a Messiah would come to save the Israelites, Jews, and Gentiles from their sins, wiping away the wrath of their humanity and replacing it with the grace and love of an unexpected mystery.
Regardless of whether they believed it or not, however, Jesus was coming, but it wouldn’t be until the New Testament that these words would become living fruition of The Word in living, breathing testifying form to the flesh. Yet in all its beauty and essence, this answer was not what the people wanted nor expected. It wasn’t the solution to their scavenger hunt list of problems they were asking for, so when the prophecy was about to come true, those who rejected the gift at the end of the hunt wound up losing more than what they bargained for.
Sure, missing a package at Christmas or not being able to figure out the clues to find it is depressing, but what about missing the entrance of the one who could tell you more about yourself than you ever wanted to know, loving you with an unconditional radical love that no one human would ever be able to express?
Talk about missing that so much so in a physical realm that you then became blind not only to the reality of His saving grace, but the beauty of His free gift for eternality- that’s a hunt so much deeper and at stake than the goodies at the end of any magical rainbow or CSI investigator set of clues. Worth so much more than money could ever buy you in packages lit dimly under the trees or even my Father’s hand-crafted notes of charm in all their time, compassion, and dedication to warm my heart.
In the book of Isaiah, the Scriptures state in 11:1-3 that, “A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from His roots, a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him- the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord- and He will delight in the fear of the Lord” (Isaiah 11:1-3, NIV). Similarly, Micah 5:2 gives a comparative account remarking that, “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, being small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come out to me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings out are from of Old, from ancient times” (Micah 5:2, NIV).
Through passages like these Old Testament prophecies, we learn that the people were waiting for something and more importantly someone to save them. To step down into their messy, sinful lives and flip the world they were living in upside down. However, they also got tired and impatient, complacent, questioning and confused. Waiting, waiting, and then waiting some more, it would not be until the New Testament that these visions and miracles of a true saving grace would be revealed. Even at that, it would not be until that gifts’ death that they would realize and appreciate the true magnificence of His being-yet then, they would be too late to ponder His sacrifice and what it truly meant for their lives while He was here on Earth.
In the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, we are given just a glimpse of these truths as they unfold. While Matthew recounts the genealogy of Jesus as a descendant of the line of David and Jesse (Matthew 1-2), Luke gives specifics of the exact details leading up to Jesus’ birth and the context surrounding Him (Luke 1-2) as He was prophesied, born and living-Emmanuel, God with us. Not everyone you see though approached this fulfillment of the scavenger hunt with anticipation, joy, and wonder. Remember, the Israelites were tired of waiting and had been waiting a long time, so by the time Jesus actually came they had already given up. While Elizabeth and Mary looked forward to His arrival, for instance, though, the Wise Men and Shepherds had to travel to find Him and Herod just wanted a revenge of jealousy because Jesus wasn’t what he expected- He wasn’t some crude and ruling King, stepping in to make everyone rich and yelling at them to solve their problems. Instead, He was a humble and gentle baby-sweet, soft, and mild as a winter snow, and many, sadly, didn’t like this.
Out of their own jealous hearts of sinful desolation, those like Herod missed the grandest entrance of birth ever to exist. They skipped out on the thrill and magic of the best present to a time-old scavenger hunt of clues that they could ever find, replacing it with their own ways of selfish desires, deception, and mockery. Even later in the story, men like them would crucify this gift, swearing they knew best, only to realize the blessing of His gift once He was gone. Yet, others like Elizabeth, Mary, The Wise Men, and Shepherds teach us the proper and Holy way to respond.
In her barrenness, Elizabeth chose to trust the Angel that she would have a son (John the Baptist) and when Mary visits her, the two women bond over the miracles God is doing in each of them (as Mary too was told she would give birth to a son, Jesus, The Messiah who would save the world). Believing and praising God for what they have even before that have it, reveals the true response to any hunt or mission we are on for a prize (especially if that prize is Jesus Christ). Correspondingly, perhaps the Shepherds and Wise Men also demonstrate this driven and apt response.
Luke 2:16 states that after receiving word from the angles where Jesus’ birth would take place ad where they could go to find Him, the Shepherds “hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger” (Luke 2:16, NIV). They didn’t waste any time and were eager to unwrap the coming mystery. In Matthew, so too were the Wise Men (Magi) on a mission to worship Jesus (Matthew 2), but their hearts were pure as opposed to Herod whom a dream warned them about, (Matthew 2:10-12) only wanted news for destruction and not worship. Perhaps my favorite demonstrations to this response of entry, however, comes from Mary, the mother of Jesus, directly after His birth in one of the first Scriptures I shared.
After giving birth to the Savior of the World, The Messiah, and realizing that His name would soon be spread to the nations, Luke 2:16-20 reveal a difference that we should take note of and apply to our own lives. As I imagine being surrounded by farm animals, I am sure Mary breathed in the stinky air of the night, followed by a sigh of relief that her temporary birthing pain (without medicine!) was just complete. The Shepherds, bustling around her setting, were amazed at the fulfillment of the prophecy they’d been waiting for so long to save them and peering over her shoulder, I can envision their googly eyes of wonder before rushing out to spread the truth of proof that this was indeed the gift they had all been waiting for. But in this order of gentle chaos, Mary took a different response, conceivably similar to her initial response when she was told of the great puzzle that would occur within her.
First told of His entrance to appear through the Holy Spirit in her womb, Luke 1:38 remarks Mary’s confidence: “I am the Lord’s servant… may it happen to me as you have said” Luke 1:38, NIV). Comparatively, two books later, Mary in Luke 2:19 took time to analyze and think over this gift rather than jump right into the crazy conundrum of spreading the news. “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19, NIV) and perhaps we too, now given this gift of life should learn to do the same.
Treasuring and keeping these moments near to her heart, Mary took time to reflect on all these things that had happened to her. From her virgin conception and birth to seeing the miracle with Elizabeth and the Shepherds, it was all in awe to her as she pondered, weighed, kept, and revolved her thoughts and emotions around not only the treasure of the greatest scavenger hunt in history but the story of revelation it took to get there. Keeping her attention on Christ before, during, and even after Christmas, let us too ponder the revelation Jesus is doing in each of our hearts, minds, and lives.
This Christmas, I was unfortunately not given a scavenger hunt because my Father is in the hospital and too ill to know that he didn’t make one. However, rather than be filled with sadness for this missing “gift”, I smile knowing that my Heavenly Father has already given and blessed me with the best gift of eternal life and that gift is worth so much more than any worldly present I could ever find at the end of a set of clues specially written for me. Like my Dad’s hand-crafted notes with wit, charm, humor, compassion, and love, God has written His mystery of each of those things on my heart and year after year I am amazed at what He continues to reveal to me.
Because the greatest gift of all, you see, isn’t the twinkling lights, cookies, and milk left for Santa, or even people we are blessed with to hold our hands and stand by our sides. It isn’t the hustle and bustle of preparations like Black Friday shopping, kids staying up all night to open their presents at 6 a.m. or finding the perfect gift for that spouse or loved one. It isn’t the family gatherings full of food, fellowship, and games, or even the Christmas Eve Services we attend singing God and praising His name. It isn’t even a scavenger hunt that meant the world to a little girl, but it is the birth of the true answer to that quest that everyone is in need of and desperately searching for.
It is the birth of a baby in a manger, and it is His dedication to the world. It is His free gift to humanity and the context surrounding those things in His Word. It is all He’s given to us and those He’s blessed us with to fellowship and share. But above all things, it is He Himself and the treasure we hold near in prayer. From our knees on the pavement to our hands lifted high, the best gift this Christmas still was, is and will always be Jesus, to hold, to have, to love, to seek, to choose, to recognize.
Agape, Amber
Abraham and Isaac: What’s Your Isaac?
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| (Festival of Carols) |
“Then God said, “Take your son to the land of Moriah and kill your son there as a sacrifice for me. This must be Isaac, your only son, the one you love. Use him as a burnt offering on one of the mountains there. I will tell you which mountain” “(Genesis 22:2, ERV).
As a Christian, I have come to the understanding that God often works in ways we are unable to understand, especially when uncomfortable situations occur, making us question if He alone is really good. Yet despite our circumstances, mishaps, highs, and lows, Jesus reminds us in Romans 8:28 that we can rest assured, for “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, ERV).
Despite this comfort, however, in the deepest inquires of my heart, I still ponder calamities as they occur. In fact, I question their existence in my life and begin to ask if I’m truly following His will. Still, the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis chapter 22 provide the answers we are looking for. Asking Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac, Abraham’s story not only exemplifies tremendous faith but serves as a beautiful example to us in our questionings when life doesn’t quite make sense.
Simply put, God tested Abraham, but with no questions asked, Abraham took his son and the materials needed to sacrifice him as a burnt offering on the mountain God had called him to. Telling his servants that he and the boy would worship and then be back, Abraham believed and knew that God would provide amidst the unlikely scenario surrounding him. Laying Isaac on the altar, and raising his knife to slay him, an Angel of the Lord calls out to Abraham, stopping the action and later, blessing him with more blessings than he had before this encounter.
So, what does this have to do with you and me, and why would the story of Abraham and Isaac reveal the truth that sometimes, more often than not, God ceases to work in ways that we question with more questions? Because first, in order to provide, Christ is continually proving His faithfulness to us as we learn to trust and rely on Him more and more. As Abraham was faithful to God, God was faithful to Him. And secondly, Abraham was willing to give it all, his most prized and precious gift from God just to glorify Him.
Like a son or daughter to inherit the throne of royalty, Isaac was the promise of God whom Abraham’s descendants would prosper and multiply the earth. In Genesis 12,15, 21, and 22 God promises to bless Abraham and make His descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky through His offspring. Yet when God Himself asks Abraham to kill this same son, the one with whom all these promises have been made, he questions nothing and fully submits to the will of the Father at all costs.
These past weeks, in particular, I too radically encountered Christ and pondered “What’s My Isaac?” Thus, it is my prayer that such a real and raw life example will encourage you to seek Him out the same in your inquiries of sacrifice, love, turmoil, confusion, doubt, and trust.
[Intro]
Even when I feel like I’m gonna break
I will lift my hands to You
[Verse 1]
Open up, lift your hands higher
I know it’s hard
Give me back what I have given
Trust my heart (You can trust my heart)
I have loved him before you have
Follow me
Slowly we will climb together
I’m not leavin’ you, yeah- Isaac by Hollyn
Approaching the end of my fifth fall semester at Ohio Christian University, busyness surrounded me with final projects, dance performances, ministry opportunities, and friends and family members knocking at my door with all sorts of problems. Amongst these stresses, though, Movements from the Heart (MFTH), a dance group I founded at the college for my extreme love and passion of dancing for Jesus, was proving to be the most difficult.
With less than four days before our Chapel performance, and Festival of Carols (a prestigious Christmas concert at our school) show week rapidly inching all the more closely, I am confident that MFTH, the festival, and myself, in particular, were enduring some serious spiritual attacks. Receiving word that my partner wouldn’t be back in time to perform for the Chapel performance, I was distraught. Performing here had been my dream since freshman year and given the opportunity to finally do so was a significant breakthrough for allowing dance in this type of institution. Yet deep in my heart, I knew it was unlikely I would get to dance without a partner, let alone almost impossible to find someone to try and fill in as my partner in an entirely partner-oriented dance. And in these moments, I became angry, sad, and confused. As a result, I questioned God why he would take something from me that was literally my all, my everything, my life, but I was willing to sit out while my team performed because I knew they could do it without me. Regardless of me dancing or not, I knew that I created the group to bring glory to Him, and with or without my presence on that stage at Chapel, Ohio Christian University was going to see MFTH dancing and bringing joy to Him.
Trying to find any feasible solution, however, my MFTH team was adamant that I was not sitting out at the performance. From switching partners to asking at least ten other people we could think of; the options were not looking good. I refused to take any of the other members’ partners because that profoundly convicted me, and I cared more about the team praising Jesus than me getting to dance, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful for me to rest in that.
Still attempting to find a solution, however, the team reached out to everyone we knew, even my half-brother who has a reputation for drug abuse so that I could perform. And at first, this seemed hopeful. My brother went to the studio with us and was receptive to learning the routine in four days, yet something looked off. He was having trouble catching on more than usual and couldn’t focus. Long story short, when I got back home with him, he told me he was on meth, pulled some out of his pocket, and then flushed it down the toilet. That same brother is now in rehab getting help as I am faithfully praying for him.
Mortified, shocked, and embarrassed, I felt God prompt me to text a friend I lead worship with on Sunday’s. Instead of questioning why I would ask her for prayer, especially because we aren’t that close, however, I poured out everything going on, and she began to pray for me. Coincidently, she then remarked that she wished her boyfriend wasn’t so busy, who I had forgotten had a ton of dance experience. Replying with “do you think he might?”, she asked him, and the next two days I prayed for God’s will.
That first night, I knew that the option was unlikely, so I tried not to get my hopes up. Praying to God, pouring out my heart to Him, reading the Scriptures, and truly surrendering all control, I reflected over the events of that day. In the forefront of my mind, an off comment made by one of my fellow dancers that morning at practice stood out to me. Talking about the song “Isaac” by Hollyn, I felt the Spirit leading me to listen to the song. Pressing play on my Spotify, I realized that I had heard the song before, but disliked it because I could never understand the words. Yet in this moment, something in me told me to look up the lyrics, and as I did, I couldn’t help but praise God in my unbelief, questioning, and doubt. Quickly reading the story of Abraham and Isaac, I realized that dance was my Isaac, but I was willing to give it all away if it meant God’s glory shined through the midst of my sorrow.
The next morning, Thanksgiving to be exact, I was again filled with questions as I awaited an answer. Finally accepting that I wouldn’t be dancing and had to be okay with that, I told God that, but also told Him how hard it was for me. Flipping on Isaac again to comfort my heart, the following lines struck a chord in my questioning spirit:
[Pre-Chorus]
This is so important
No, don’t rush what I’ve started
See I am doing a new thing, yeah, a new thing
[Chorus]
You’re faithful to me, I’m faithful to You
You loved me first, no questions asked
You’re faithful to me, I’m faithful to You
‘Cause You loved me first, no questions asked- Isaac by Hollyn
A few hours later, my friend’s boyfriend texted me back and agreed to learn the dance. That Sunday, the team taught him the entire routine in a day, and we performed the next day as if he had been my partner all along. With tears streaming down my face and praising my Savior, I cried in joy, that even in my sorrow and questioning, God was truly using every good and bad event for my well-being. Quickly texting my friends to let them know, I began to realize that if I hadn’t asked my brother to perform, and he wouldn’t have been doing drugs, I never would have asked that friend for prayer. And if I would never have asked that friend for prayer, I would not have thought to ask her boyfriend to be my partner. Likewise, if my friend hadn’t mentioned the song Isaac in the car, I never would have listened to it or read that story to comfort me in my prayer time with Jesus.
“I keep thinking of Abraham and Isaac. You were willing to sit out for this performance, so God blessed you in return for it and allowed you to dance anyway. Your faithfulness and dedication to this team and more importantly to the Lord and your trust in Him is just WOW…God really had a plan the whole time”- she remarked with boldness, not knowing I had listened to the song or read the story. Continuing to weep in adoration of His grace, I was immediately overwhelmed by both the presence and comfort of my Heavenly Father holding me. Like Abraham about to slay own son, I felt the Father whisper to me that when we are faithful to Him, and truly willing to give it all, “Isaac will be saved” (Hollyn).
This past weekend, my original partner returned for the festival performance, and I can say with certainty that the dance was a blessing to the people in attendance. Thus, it is in these moments that I sit back in awe and wonder at the works God is continually doing in me. Crying as I reflect over His blessings, I realize now that our greatest victories come from the most difficult challenges and only a good and faithful Father could use a drug-infested, Satan-scheming, and spiritually attacked situation and turn it into a beautiful artwork of His redeeming promises to me.
“The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time. The angel said, “You were ready to kill your only son for me. Since you did this for me, I make you this promise: I, the Lord, promise that I will surely bless you and give you as many descendants as the stars in the sky. There will be as many people as sand on the seashore. And your people will live in cities that they will take from their enemies. Every nation on the earth will be blessed through your descendants. I will do this because you obeyed me” “(Genesis 22:15-18, ERV).
Even when you feel like you are going to break, remember, Isaac’s saved.
When Words Fail To Speak
When Words Fail To Speak.
Hey there.
Sorry I haven’t posted a lot recently.
If I’m being honest, I’m going through some stuff, but as a writer, writing heals, and for that I am thankful.
Yet, despite what I am going through, I believe that God is with me even when I don’t sense His presence.
Being real with you, the past few months have been very rough on me. I can’t feel the Holy Spirit, am very confused about life and circumstances, and it seems that the more I pray, read Scripture, and soak in the Word, the worse and more depressed I feel. However, if I have learned anything while my time in college the past few years, it would be that true faith is found in these moments. The moments where we can’t feel anything or know for certain.
But faith is not a feeling, and, therefore, my belief in God is not contingent on the circumstances that do or don’t happen to me. Regardless of if I am having a good or bad day, or have all my ducks in a row, I still serve a good and loving God. And though my character and choices may change a thousand times over, He still remains constant. That in and of itself is enough to keep believing in Him, even when I don’t sense His presence.
So, right now, as I sit at my college in a cubical all to myself, I remind myself that it is okay to not be okay. It is even okay when words fail to speak, and I feel that I might pull all of my hair out at any minute. I sit in silence and selah to remind my overthinking, overcritical, over analytical, and over perfectionistic mind that most things are out of my control, but because of Christ alone, He is my strength and song of deliverance.
Perhaps in these times of solitude the words are few and the heartstrings scarce because God is revealing that He alone is the true source of life, and not the words, feelings, or circumstances He produces to make me feel, do, say, or act a certain way. And in that silence, maybe the words are Him, and He is speaking, I just have to choose to listen.
To stay.
To be content.
To grow in the uncertainty.
To question.
To cry.
To worship even when it makes no sense and I can’t feel a thing.
To write when I don’t feel like writing.
To pray when all I do is cry on the floor asking God to make the words appear.
Because “The grass may wither and the flower fades, but the Word of our God will live forever” (Isaiah 40:8, ESV). Even the words He gives to me that I hold so dearly, they are His to give and to take away, and in that, I know He has a plan for everything. Even when they fail to speak.
Agape,
Amber
What My Best Friend Getting Married Taught Me About Love
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| My beautiful best friend on her wedding day! |
What my best friend getting married taught me about love:
Since the fifth grade, my best friend and I have been inseparable at the hip and that was now thirteen years ago. Meeting at a kid’s camp that our school made us attend, I wouldn’t call it a coincidence that out of a hundred kids, her and I were randomly chosen to stay in the private cabin with a few other girls because the main lodge didn’t have enough room to host all of us. Simply sleeping on the bunkbed above her, I didn’t know at that moment that two small girls, bright-eyed and bushy tailed in their excitement, would grow to become like sisters over the years, but God knew what we needed and blessed us with each other.
From that moment on, it is crazy for me to try and reflect on our most prized memories because so many exist. But of the most remarkable, I remember that our friendship was not always easy.
Though it started with Quiz Bowl matches, peewee basketball every Saturday morning, volunteering and serving together, dancing at a studio, going on crazy family vacations, and having sleepovers almost every other weekend, when we got to eighth grade things began to change. There was a period of time that I was really hurting, and we were growing apart. She was popular and played sports and I did not. She was the fun one everyone wanted to be friends with and I was just the left behind sidekick. But in that moment of pain, I went home and wrote a letter about how I was feeling. I needed my best friend and as my heart ached, I poured out a letter to her on pen and paper, prayed, and went to bed. The next morning, I left the letter on the table with tear stains in its margins like that of my eyes and went to school with a heavy heart thinking this would be the last day. The last day we’d speak, the last day we’d be friends, the last day I’d know what it felt like to be cared and loved for by a best friend I could call my own that wasn’t family, but to my surprise, none of that happened. Like a flip of the switch, it was as if something had happened within her and she knew I needed her. And at that exact moment our friendship was healed, stronger and better for the hardship we endured. Racing home from school that day to tell my parents the good news, I threw the letter in the trash and cried with tears of joy for God had answered my prayers.
As the years progressed into high school, our friendship would be strengthened through common interests, but also differences. We both took FFA, were FCA officers, loved the Lord deeply, and danced together, but the things we differed in soon became the activities that we would both grow to love the most together. Teaching me to fall in love with playing the piano (combined with my previous love for singing) as well as hiking, running, working out, cooking and living life on the edge I couldn’t be more thankful for the spontaneity of life she revealed to me. I went to her senior night soccer game and she supported me at every play, dance, and singing event I was ever in and that’s how our friendship stood strong because we both cared enough about each other to go the extra mile and that’s what the true love of God is all about.
Graduating high school in 2014 and hundreds of activities later, it wasn’t until that moment that I would tell my best friend of the period of time where our friendship struggled, for she never knew about the letter and for the first moment in my life I made her cry. And she told me she cried because she knew that moment very well, but never knew how much I was hurting and how thankful to God she was that He was looking over us. And honestly, I too was beyond words.
Going off to college in different directions, I cried at the thought that I wouldn’t get to see her every day at school but this is where she encouraged me to make new friends, live life freely, smile more, not be afraid, and grow abundantly in the freedom of Jesus Christ who would not only protect each of us but our friendship that He would eternally allow to grow forever.
Now four more years later, I can honestly say that we are two completely different people, both better and more mature in our individualized ways but we couldn’t be closer friends. Over this period of time, she taught me to let go of my OCD perfectionistic mentality and cling to the loving freedom of Jesus. To truly live each day as if it were my last and laugh a whole lot more. To never compromise my virtues for what I believe in. To stay steadfast and loyal, trusting all of God’s plans for me (even beyond my comfort zone). And above all, she taught me how to love and value my self-worth as Christ calls each of His sons and daughters to be.
Yesterday was her wedding day and of course, she’s still teaching me. As one of the bridesmaids, tears welled up in my eyes as we prayed for her and then witnessed the wedding. I didn’t think I would cry, and for the most part I held back, but after I sang an original song for her and looked at the man sitting next to her, now Mr. and Mrs., a new bride, I couldn’t help but smile at the way they were looking at each other. I thought about the way they would soon represent Christ to the world in this new covenant and how she waited for her now husband to pursue her. I thought about how she never questioned her worth, married or single and how she lived a fulfilled life every single day regardless of status or emotions. I thought about how her life spent so far was filled with so much laughter, joy, and adventure, and as a small tear began to roll down my face, I looked at the gaze in each of their eyes during the first dance and saw the true meaning of marriage that most of society exchanges for lust: a love of God so pure and so dedicated to His Kingdom, He knew that they would now be better together and I pray for that same love.
That in my moments of heartache and despair, I will learn to press into God and not my troubles. That in my longing to be in a relationship, I will not allow my desires and emotions to create an idol of love that only God can fully satisfy. That as I give my best friend away I will not see this as a friendship ending, but as a time for her to grow in different ways from me and that my time will come when He says it is time. And if I have learned anything from her at all, it is to trust in that timing, for He saved our friendship once and surely, He who teaches us to number our days is eternally faithful.
To my beautiful best friend the day after her wedding, I wish you the happiest life with your husband and thank you for all you’ve done for me. From letting me cry on your shoulder to blowing up your phone so much that we had to use Facebook messenger to communicate, biking 50 miles, going on road trips and crazy vacations and so much more, it is my prayer that in this new season of life may you never forget the love you have shown to me and now reflect in that of your own marriage. Thank you for teaching me what it really means to love and showing me that from the beginning even when I failed to recognize it. You’ve taught me a lot about love best friend and I know you’ll continue to do the same.
Vulnerability is scary, perhaps that’s what makes love so wretched, but in a sense, also what makes it so beautiful.
Agape,
Amber
#RelationshipGoals
#RelationshipGoals
Why do I try to compare love to what I know is a fake imitation? Perhaps it’s because society has misconstrued love for infatuation. It has replaced what the Bible says about relationships with perceptions of Instagram filters, #relationshipgoals, and seemingly perfect dates. That if we don’t feel the butterflies, have the Hallmark version of our prince riding in on a white horse, or present a boyfriend/girlfriend mentality that could be found in the inner pages of Cosmo then we’ve done something wrong. That we begin to question why our love is different, why it hasn’t happened yet, why it doesn’t appear like everyone else’s, why it isn’t like the movies.
I remember when I used to dream what being in a relationship would be like. How doing the cute things everyone posts on social media would make me feel. What it would be like to finally change my status on Facebook from “single” to “in a relationship” and how everyone would react. The feelings I would get to finally have someone during Christmas when it seems that loneliness is at its finest. But then I began to realize that not only were these thoughts vain in who I was/am and what I eventually want to enter into with another person, but they also gave me a vain and distorted view of what I should accept/receive/allow from them.
And God began to speak to my heart that before I would ever enter a relationship or try to grow within one (friendships included here friends!!) I needed to understand what He and His Word said about them. To exchange my cloudy mirror of relationships and dating for show in for a brand-new transaction of what God says about this love.
Because although I’ve written a lot about love on this blog before, I don’t think I’ve even come near to fully understanding it.I have come to the conclusion that throughout my singleness, in praying for a future spouse, I may have had the idea of love all wrong. Sure, I wanted them to love Jesus more than me, be taller, attractive, love working out, serving others, etc., but what I should have understood before all of those things was the “why?”. Why should I be in a relationship? What does the Bible tell me about this kind of love (and not my friends comparative love life, social media’s presentation, or even my families expectations and feelings of remorse for my impatient but I stated patient waiting)? Why do I want to be in a relationship anyways and is this something I am really called to? And if I’m being honest, I’m still trying to figure all of these things out, but I’m also learning to do so in a more open, freeing, and Christ-like mentality.
Open, in the sense that when someone comes along and maybe they don’t check all the boxes, I will give them a chance. That just because they don’t meet the worldly standards of what everyone else says is right or fits their bill of love, perhaps I should analyze if they fit that of Christ’s, for isn’t He the one that matters after all?
Freeing, in that I now know I do not need a relationship to complete or define me. Before the relationship Adam had with Eve in the Bible, God had already given him a place, purpose, provision, identity, and parameters- all BEFORE it was “not good for man to be alone”.
Christ-like mentality in that I know no relationship I ever enter into will be perfect or like what the Disney movies tell me it will be like. That just as I have flaws, so too will they, but God never asked for perfect people. He asked us to love broken ones that together in a cord of three strands will not be easily broken. That as they struggle with their struggles, I will not judge them, for who am I to judge someone just because they sin differently than me? And as I share my vulnerabilities, I will trust him who God has entrusted me with.
Even on the hard and off days where the relationship doesn’t seem right I will fight against the world that tells me “maybe he isn’t the one” and listen to my Father above who can give me that command if that’s His will to do so. That just because a small argument may come, I will not base the sum of its purpose in my life on a silly matter that weighs so much less than the total of all the good memories we have shared together. That just because every day isn’t sunshine, fun, and rainbows I will learn to realize even God too got frustrated with His people, but He loved them anyways.
So, to my relationships present, past, and future, know that I am still working on this, but that I firmly believe and owe you these things:
· A love that sees the purpose of entering a romantic setting not for satisfying my own needs, but for being a helpmate to bring one another closer to each other and Christ.
· A trust that takes the risk of love even if it isn’t foolproof to work out, because who knows if a man will succeed other than the one who created him?
· A faith that places God above you (yes, even you) and helps you place God above me, yes even me.
· A hope that knows even when the bad times come, you don’t give up. After all, just because something has a ding in it doesn’t mean you throw it away. We all have things we have to grow through together and that’s part of the loving process.
And how does God define these relationships? These friendships and pursuits of the ones we want to become the most intimate? The goals and statues we wish, ask, pray, might I even say beg to have? He reminds us that His love must be enough first and then all other things will fall into place. We were not created to be alone, in fact, we were created for community, but when it comes to relationships and what God thinks, I believe he tells us this:
ü 1)Only when Jesus is the first and most important relationship in our lives can we then be granted access to any type of relationship with others. And this is not to say that He withholds any good thing from us, because we know that He “withholds no good thing” (Psalm 84:11), but it is to reiterate the point that until we and our identity are found in Christ alone, we will be looking to mere men to fill a gap that only He can satisfy.
ü 2)Once we have this personal and intimate relationship with Him, we must never lose sight of it even when we do enter into relationships with others, regardless of if it is a friendship, romance, or business partner. Relationships are imperative to our growth as Christians, but they are a gift from God, therefore, we must honor Him first.
So, what does this look like as contrasted to the worldly definition of these status updates and Snapchat streaks of romance? This looks like putting God first even when it means disappointing or placing your significant other on hold to focus on God. It looks like not confusing worshiping God with worshiping your partner and instead, learning to worship God while you love your neighbor as yourself (and not the other way around). It looks like the Biblical definition of marriage where the two become one not because a husband is greater than the wife and the wife owes him that, but because they are mutually submitting to one another in order to each grow closer to God as they bring out their best interests. It is being willing to give everything for that person not because you feel the love of butterflies but because you feel the love and compassion that God gave for you on the cross now poured out for you to lay down for that other person.
Although I for one can say that the words “dating” and “romance” are not specifically found by that search in the Bible (trust me, I’ve tried), I can tell you that God does desire for you to enter into these things when it is the right time for you. Just because my best friend is getting married in three months, for instance, doesn’t mean that I need to freak out because I’m not (in fact, I freak out at just the idea of getting married right now (can you say hello I still need to adult enough 😅😂)). Just because you’re still single after 25 years and everyone in your family looks at you like you’re crazy doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be in a relationship. Just because you don’t know what you’re doing in your first relationship when it comes doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if it looks comparatively different to the outside world; in fact, that’s probably a good sign that it looks more like Christ and a lot less like the fake perceptions of the pleasures and lusts that Netflix and chill first dates tend to give off.
Real relationships are made up of learning to look past their sins and not seeing them as greater than your own(this is not a cop out to excuse inexcusable behavior or abuse though by any means). They look like sharing with your friend, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend when you are upset because you value authenticity and honesty over hurting someone’s feelings (I too need to take lessons here)! They reveal that at the center of any core relationship, Jesus must be found intimately and separately or that fire will be blown out faster than you can say whirlwind approaching. And at their completion, they involve the willfully giving away of oneself at the detriment, love and honor of another person. Just as Christ gave His body for us, that alone demonstrates how we should partake in relationships of any sort with others.
That’s true #relationshipgoals found within the heavenly realm of who God says they are with and what they consist of.
Agape, Amber
Hands and Feet of Jesus
Hands and Feet of Jesus
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| (Photo Credits Belong to Photographer: Amber Ginter, 2018). |
As previously mentioned in earlier blogs, during the month of May, I was given the opportunity to serve High School students at a Young Life Camp called Malibu, located in the inner depths and seclusion of British Columbia, Canada. Although I learned much from this camp including understanding the heart of Just Jesus, something that was also revealed to me was what it meant to truly serve with the authentic, raw, vulnerable, and difficult hands and feet of Jesus.
When we think about Jesus, for instance, and His service to the world, what are you reminded of? Him serving the masses with five loaves of bread and two fishes? Him healing the blind, sick, and bleeding? Him crying out to His Father to take away the cup but still abiding to His Will at all costs? Him spitting in the mud and rubbing dirt in a man’s eyes to give him sight? The list could go on and on, but one thing remains constant; the work of Jesus was not only also consistent, but it was hard. Think about it. Have you ever truly thought about what it meant to be a Disciple of Jesus? A servant of Jesus? To serve as Jesus? I know I thought I had, but that was until I served so physically demanding with my hands and feet that I realized I knew nothing.
Being assigned to work in the kitchen-bakery staff while serving my time at this particular Young Life Camp, I went into my job and this trip with the expectation that I would serve a lot, but I would also get to know others and enjoy a lot too. Hit in the head like a frying pan, however, you could say that Jesus really whacked me a good one in the field of service when I found out that not only was our work crew for the weekend highly understaffed and we would be overworked due to an overpopulation of students, but that instead of having 3 people to serve alongside of me in the bakery, I would be given 1, which would equivalate to spending 13 hours a day for three days in the kitchen. In addition, being an extrovert, it was extremely challenging for me to function while the other individual I was working with chose to engage with me very little for unknown reasons.
However, learning to make 27 desserts over a span of 3 days and serving the High School students through a behind the scenes bakery, really made me realize what it means to serve with the hands and feet of Jesus in all that you are doing. For example, although I was serving in the bakery, others at the camp were doing so through cooking food, setting tables, burning and organizing trash, cleaning dishes, doing laundry, and taking care of the land, all physically demanding jobs that offered a lot of service and very little benefit for yourself. Even realizing that the bakery job had one of the longest scheduled hours as opposed to those around me who were receiving breaks made me appreciate the experience of this Jesus moment even more. And why?
Because for the first time in my life, I served and worked so hard physically with my hands and feet (can you say hello, serving for 515 on every homemade pie, cookie, bread, cake, etc. we made from scratch and by hand) that I felt like I was giving God literally every single ounce I had left. I was serving like I imagined Him serving, and when I had nothing more to give, He pushed me further and provided in His way a true sense of peace and joy in just the opportunities and circumstances He saw fit. So, although no, I didn’t get to read or study the Bible much at all during the trip, I really felt like I was being refreshed and renewed through Him, for at the end of myself, I found Him. Him who would give an energy that though I was tired, would never leave my heart.
For you know what happens when you get tired? You are reminded of what it must have felt like to be Jesus, serving day after day, and night after night, constantly healing people, serving, and giving Himself away without any real long period of rest. But even Jesus, remember, when He got tired, weak, and weary, needed alone time with the Father because He would be the one to give Him a true source of strength for the next day. As Luke 5:12-16 reminds us, Jesus, too, despite the wear and tear of his hands and feet, needed time to recharge. After healing a man with leprosy, for instance, his Disciples and those surrounding Him didn’t understand His need for time alone:
“In one of the villages, Jesus met a man with an advanced case of leprosy. When the man saw Jesus, he bowed with his face to the ground, begging to be healed. “Lord,” he said, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.” Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared. Then Jesus instructed him not to tell anyone what had happened. He said, “Go to the priest and let him examine you. Take along the offering required in the law of Moses for those who have been healed of leprosy. This will be a public testimony that you have been cleansed.” But despite Jesus’ instructions, the report of his power spread even faster, and vast crowds came to hear him preach and to be healed of their diseases. But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer” (Luke 5:12-16, NLT).
Here, the key is in verse 16, where the Scripture notes, “But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer” and something within me can’t shake the notion that perhaps Jesus was praying on similar mountains as the ones now speaking to me and my heart while on this trip (Luke 5:16, NLT). That it wasn’t until he was so exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially that He went to the Father for renewal, because He knew that as a man he couldn’t take any more, but through and as Christ, He would someday soon take on the world in the full payment of nails through His hands and feet that once served it.
So, as I laid in my bed each night, just knowing that in a few short hours I would have to rise before the sun and work until the dawn, I started to cherish the opportunity, because I knew that at this moment, my strength was going to have to come from God alone. Although I didn’t get to read or pray like crazy for a week like I originally anticipated, I did experience a side of Jesus, perhaps the hands and feet of Jesus like I never had before. One that 100% gave everything of Himself away and didn’t question when the next day’s tasks were requested of Him. He was utterly dependent on the Father, and so am I now, as I am learning to be.
The hands and feet of Jesus man, that’s what got me through this crazy weekend, and what’s even crazier is realizing that Jesus felt as exhausted as I did for four days but that was every single day of His life for Him, and even then, He continued to push beyond even His own physicality’s.
Talk about the hands and feet of Jesus, my friend, because that’s where true servanthood was nailed to a cross for merely serving humanity as a lowly carpenter, in the same hands that healed the leper, and the same feet that climbed mountains just to make sure I was safe. Admittedly, I too will now climb those mountains for others, and even though the walk may be exhausting, I now know where my strength comes from; the hands and feet of Jesus man, the hands, and feet of a King.
Words Can Shatter Silence 